reality,doubt,inside and outside,

*ini entry monolog cuti - cuti
dan nota utk anda yang sayang saya katanya,

see me giggling on most of time,

but people don't know how much i suffered inside..
literally dear,i can get mad easily due on certain classic case
like losing someone and people who will always
be in the way and try to bring me down
but i think i managed to keep myself happy
for the past few years ive been through alot
for the things like that,yes i am such a loser makcik at times but
i felt lucky to be with my loved one which is my family right now,
yet im trying to keep myself busy and still putting a smile on my face,


will be turning two o very soon,
had made me realized there's a long pathway awaiting for me
takut if someday i would not able to be in the right path,
not to say im all negative now but its just people do change
in blink of minute,you would never know,

jiwa kacau bile i wanted to do so many things,
to be doing this and that,pastu ape lagi,
wanted to have many things and to be like someone else,
lepas tu mesti la get jealous,envy and so forth,
memacam la cheq ni semua nak,
but bile pikirkan balik where do i start, what who whose why?
boleh gile kadang,its hard for me to cope with the situation,
my emotions are unstable and mentally always disturbed,
but as i told you before,its all matter of time
also how well you manage yourself,sabar itu perlu ade,

someday whatever that we always wanted to do
insyaAllah soon it may happen,
all you need is the courage and faith..

just follow the flow will ya mates?
dont be such a desperado de milano coyotito,

need to remind myself and everyone that,
living in this place called earth is just a pit stop for us
im tired of looking those youngster who had became
a stupendous humiliation to the society,
tak kesian kat diri sendiri kah engkau? or i must just say that
they are being undenially blinded with materials,
soon they will regret,enough said lah..

till then dear everyone,
i just want to apologies to anyone that have i known me before
all these year for my behaviour and wrongdoings
sorry for everythings okayh,

i may not be as perfect as what you think i am,
im just a normal human being,had my own mood swings,
i had my own self esteem drama also
my very own jiwe kacau moments to be handle
(kurang iman la tu bak kata ayah huhu)

saya juga bukan sebuah robot atau mainan
yg boleh diperkotak-katikkan jiwanya,
bukan seorang yang mudah diubah naluri
dan persepsinya dengan keadaan terkini,
bukan seorang gadis yang naif
yg mudah dipengaruhkan,

but dear please,
if i do change to some kind im not suppose to be,
please do keep me and drag me,
bring me away from those insanity,

it all may sound
melancholy and exaggerate,
but this is me,i love myself
its not that im being self centered or ego
but dear i have my rights to speak up,

yet,
i had my own goals to fix,
also many dreams to catch,

i pray to Allah swt would strengthen up my heart and my iman
im hoping for better on every each day,
ameen..

:)

- i'm alright, still